Fear You Don't Own Me

“I know who I am

I know i’m strong, brave

And I am free"

I have listened to this song by Francessca Battistelli all week. “The Breakup Song (Fear You Don’t Own Me" has so much meaning and power behind the words. You can depict the lyrics in whatever context you see fit for your situation. I have struggled plenty of times with fear… with doubt…

I want to share a few things that I have held fear against in my life because “Fear, you don’t own me" you will not hold me back!

Growing up I FEARED NOT FITTING IN. This is a very common factor among most adolescent people. When you are going through this time in your life everyone makes it so apparent that you get set in a particular group… if you didn’t… if you were different… you were pretty much out-casted. I went to a Private school for most of my school aged life, the schools were pretty small so you did not have very many friend groups to choose from and pretty much just knew everyone no matter your age. In elementary school it was not bad at all, you really don’t care. Or at least I did not care, I was what you would call “popular” in a private Christian elementary school.

  Becoming older the more important fitting in became. Middle school was more excruciatingly difficult than it was fun and enjoyable. I cut my hair and I looked like a boy, I had metal framed pink glasses that were cute when I was 9, but not fit for a pre-teen, and my sense of style was completely uneducated with a hint of resentment towards conservative choices that led to a childish rebellion that in turn made my fashionable choices not so fashionable. The in-between years were not my best. When High School came around and I was able to venture out into Public School, I figured out where I fit best. Mind you when I first started I was terrified, it was hard to figure the correct people that I meshed with because of the fear I had of not fitting in with these people. I was scared to say a specific monologue about something I was passionate about or nervous to act a certain way because I did not know how these kids would react to my real personality. Eventually I became comfortable enough and to be completely honest, I became tired of hiding my true feelings from the people that I was hanging out with. In the end I got the result that at the time I did not necessarily want, but looking back definitely needed to happen. I figured out who my true friends are and who I actually meshed with.

  If I would have stayed true to myself in the beginning it could most possibly have saved me some heartache and disappointment along the way. Although I do not regret it because I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. My take away is to not let FEAR stop you from being your true self, even if that means you are out-casted for a little while or you do not get to be apart of the “cool table” because it is better to be alone for a little while or to be labeled a “looser” for a period of time than to lie to yourself and to be uncomfortable.

  As an adult I FEAR SCREWING UP.  Making a mistake concerning my career, messing up my relationship, not being financially stable, being seen in a disrespectful way, and the list goes on… Adulting is hard if you haven't noticed. My job is something I take grate pride in so making a mistake is majorly disappointing. Trust me I have made my fare share of mistakes, some of which were ridiculous and I knew better, but for some reason I put myself in a position where I thought I could fix it myself or I was in such a rush that I overlooked the issue. Not to mention the embarrassment that came along with that wrong move. The FEAR of getting into trouble, of being scrutinized, but in the end not being honest may possibly make the situation worse.

  I have always had FEAR concerning my relationships with “love” interests. In High School I knew that I like and am attracted to men, but I was terrified to actually be in a relationship with them. Whenever I became close I freaked! To this day I have know Idea the cause behind that. When I became older I became more comfortable with the idea and by my senior year of High School I had completely changed from the girl Freshman year. I began to mess around with someone I most definitely should not have been messing around with. After that Brandon and I became more serious. with him it was different. I would always be frightened to hold another guys hand and I hated the butterfly's that came with it, the butterfly’s hurt! But when it came to Brandon… I loved the butterfly's! Now that we have been together for almost 3 years and we are on the verge of getting married you would think telling your significant other how you feel would become easier. In your case it could be different, but in mine it is not. I FEAR that if I tell him how I truly feel about a certain issue or situation I could potentially loose him. I FEAR that he will take what I am saying in the wrong way and intern not want to be with me any longer. Which I know the root of that issue is deep-seated insecurities that have not fully been resolved. Most issues I am able to say and some issues I become so frustrated that I blurt them out, the others I am to scared and nervous and embarrassed to bring to light. This kind of FEAR is extremely dangerous because if you let it continue to control you the possibility of your unhappiness… your partners frustration… and ultimately the end of the relationship all together. Thankfully I know when enough is enough and I have become more honest with myself over the years to know that the tension this causes in a relationship is not okay and the need to take action to resolve the issues is immediately. Do not let your fear of your partners reaction hold you back from your truth. One of the most important aspects in and of a relationship is honesty. So be honest no matter how scary or unenjoyable it may be.

  I have always been afraid of finances. Not doing them or taking them on, but staying afloat. I am scared of not having enough money to take care of myself or my future family. This is something that in some cases are uncontrollable, but I have tried throughout the years to never have to be in that kind of situation. I know what it feels like first hand to have FEAR in finances. To be scared that I was going to loose the house I grew up in, nervous that my grandparents were paying our bills and I did not understand why. Being as young as I was I did not understand most of what was going on and the situation may not have been as severe as the 11 year old child I was thought, but being on the outskirts listening in frightened that already insecure child and carried on as I got older. It is not all that bad because I know the value of money more than most young adults my age. I am careful and thoughtful with how I utilize my finances and yet it has made me a tad selfish with the money as well, that is mainly out of fear. I have not and will not let that FEAR control my life on a day to day basis. I have become more laid back with the stress of finances the past year and it is a welcome relief. I maintain a healthy fear of money currently and hopefully it stays that way.

  “Fear you don't own me There ain’t no room in this story And I ain’t got time for you Telling me what  I’m not Like you know me well guess what? I know who I am I know  i’m strong  And I am free Got my own identity So fear, you will never be welcome here” 

  If you are not familiar with this song I highly suggest you listen to it, It is sung by a Christian Singer and is played and labeled as a Godly tune. Even if you are not a religious person, this could be a song for you. The words touch your heart and soul and it made me realize a lot of the things I was holding onto and wanted to let go. FEAR is not a good feeling, but it is also a strong feeling that will and can consume you. No one should live like that. I thought with everything taking place in the world right now, this would be a really good time to share this. Our situations may not be the best, but we decide how we view those situations. You cannot decide someone else’s happiness, but you can decide your own. So do not let FEAR OWN YOU, take your life back!

Love Shayna

The Breakup Song (Fear you don’t own me) - Francesca Battistelli

Portraits done by Shutterup Photography