Pregnancy after Loss Diary | Installment 3.

Today I was given news that I was not expecting. On September 7th an appointment was set to see a maternal Fetal doctor to discuss my Gestational Diabetes diagnosis as well as a growth scan on my baby to make sure she is growing the way she is supposed to. I woke up excited and ready to see my baby girl! In the back of my mind I joked that I would go in there and leave with bad news. The thought came back while the ultrasound was being conducted, but not until we were halfway through did I realize that small joking voice in my head had been correct.

The scan lasted for what felt like an hour. The technician scowered every inch of baby girl. It was just like another anatomy scan, but more detailed. We were shown blood flow to and in-between arteries, her head, belly, appendages, and fluid around her were all measured and every organ was closely examined. She is only measuring 1-2 weeks behind in certain areas, but all of her parts and organs are working properly, but this little girl is really small.

The technician asked if I had an early ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and given a due date?

I replied with a yes and explained that we figured she was going to be tiny seeing as everyone in our families run small and why I was confused when I was diagnosed with GD.

She continued to measure and print out a few photos for us. We got a few really great photos of her face and Emory definitely has my nose. At the end of the scan she showed us where her concern was and that is Emory is measuring below the 10th percentile in weight, which in those cases the baby is considered to have fetal growth restriction if confirmed by the doctor. In some cases this could just be Genetic. I am small so it is typical for me to have a smaller baby. But given what was seen on the ultrasound, I have another factor causing the pettiness of my daughter. Unfortunately she is not getting enough nutrients from the placenta because there is a sporadic plug. The doctor explained it as the placenta works as a water hose. Meaning the nutrients are supposed to be a constant flow. In my case it is as if someone is placing their thumb over the spicket every so often and making it where only half of that flow is being allowed through. I am perfectly healthy and did not cause this. Emory is healthy as of right now and seems to be handling herself just fine even though she is only weighing 3 pounds 11 ounces. As of right now I have a very mild case/blockage, but as the baby grows the more nutrients she will need and the likelihood of her beginning to not handle it increases drastically. Because of this no matter what I have to be induced in my 37th week of pregnancy unless my diagnosis worsens. If the blockage becomes more prominent or Emory is showing signs of distress they will take her even earlier. The not knowing is the worst.

Every week I will go into the MFD to have an Ultrasound to check on her growth as well as the flow from the placenta and placed on a monitor to check her heartrate for 20 minutes. I will also see my OBGYN every week for normal pregnancy updates. They want Emory monitored atleast every 4-5 days.

I am still in shock even though it has been almost 12 hours since we were given all of this information. I haven’t processed completely. I went in expecting to be told more details into my Gestational Diabetes case, but instead came out being told I will have a baby within the next 5 weeks instead of 8. I’m scared, excited, nervous, maybe even a little numb. I am happy that I get to meet my little girl earlier than expected, but under the circumstances it feels more scary than exciting. I know it is nothing that I did and nothing that Emory caused. It is THIS PREGNANCY. Where the placenta is placed and I will likely have a normal pregnancy the next time. I think swallowing the pill of having a third complicated pregnancy is hard for me. After loosing two babies and thinking that all of our worries were behind us were false. I knew I was considered high risk due to my losses, but after I made it past the 1st trimester and then viability week I felt as if we were in the home stretch. Nothing else is wrong. I guess being diagnosed with GD was a blessing in disguise because without having to make the trip to the MFD we may have never known there was an issue until it being too late because I would have just been given a normal ultrasound instead of the high depth intricate one I was given this morning.

The pregnancy is the problem. Right now it is weighing the option each week of wether it is safer to have her come out or to have her stay in. I guess only time will tell. God has a plan for us. This diagnosis was not expected, but definitely one I am glad we caught. Loosing a 3rd baby at this point in pregnancy is something I never prepared myself for. My nerves are a jumble because I am now feeling even more scrambled with getting everything prepared for her arrival 3 weeks early. I will continueto update on the diagnosis and situation we have been placed in. God chose this path for my life and this pregnancy and I am trusting him with my Pregnancy and my babies life. I am scared, but he is greater than that fear.