Keeping up with Healthy Habits: The Struggle is Real!
I AM BACK! Hi everyone! I am really happy that I took the other week off and got myself back on track. I am going to be completely honest with you guys, I have been struggling a lot the past couple of weeks. I have been having issues with making sure I am eating healthy foods and keeping up with my water intake. Thankfully I have an amazing support system at work that for the most part keep me on track with the WATER CHALLENGE, but when I get home from work is when the trouble begins. I have been struggling with following my workout regimen as well as going running on a regular basis. Lastly, I have been struggling with my confidence. In myself, in my body, and in my relationship.
Throughout the past couple of weeks I have been having tons of headaches, becoming easily tired, and just plain out making excuses for not doing the things that I should be doing. I have become lazy and blaming it on the fact that I do not feel good, which in all honesty was true, but what should not have happened was continuously making that excuse on the days that I actually felt fine physically, but mentally I was struggling. I knew deep down that if I pushed myself to do it than in the end I would feel 10 times better about myself, instead my confidence and motivation took a dive. My body started to take a downward spiral because it had become accustomed to the good way I was treating it and then all of a sudden I STOPPED! In return I started to feel bloated, mentally and physically exhausted, and insecure. It did not help that I was continuously UN-INTENTIONALLY HURTING MYSELF! Brandon and I recently got an entirely new bedroom set and this bed has a big wood footboard that I WAS NOT USED TOO! I was getting ready to go on my run and I scraped my legs up against both corners 3 times that resulted in three HUGE BRUISES, two on my right leg and one on my left! A week later I fell out of my front door scraping my knee and my ankle and the following day I ran into the end of Brandon’s bar weights which resulted in another bruise on my ankle! (BTW I do bruise very easily) In the middle of all this was when I began to slowly stop my Healthy Habits. Being physically injured was just another excuse for me not to continue the health regimen that I am on.
Being physically injured was just the start of my mental health to start dwindling down. I mean it wasn’t awful, I was not stressed to the max, but I overthink things waaayyyy too often and this just made that quality much more intense. Every little thing that Brandon would say or do I would pretty much take that and run with it! (NOT IN A GOOD WAY EITHER) I started to take offence to the smallest things and started to feel extremely insecure about myself. I was judging the way I looked and judging the way that I felt, even though I knew it was all on me and my decisions, and yet I still felt sorry for myself. This caused a ripple effect that began to overthink (YET AGAIN) the future and ask questions that I did not necessarily like the answers too. This led to mood swings and more thinking which led me to second guess where I am in my relationship. I was thinking that maybe he doesn’t love me enough, maybe he will choose this person over me, maybe this, maybe that! A WHOLE LOT OF MAYBES AND NO FOR SURES! This caused issues because instead of bringing the problematic feelings that I was having to him, I was keeping it inside. “HERE WE GO AGAIN”, this is what I was thinking he was going to say if I had brought these issues forward. Another insecure moment for Shayna, which is sooo not attractive. Lately we have been focused on work and when we get home I go straight to watching my show and Brandon darts to his video games. We barely spend anytime together as a couple. We haven't been on a date in months and hardly hold full conversations without it ending in some kind of disagreement. I don’t mean we get into an argument, but rather someone has an attitude or someone is left feeling un-nerving, which in most cases is me. But that was the last two week and apparently my man knows me better than I assumed because he caught on pretty quick to how I was feeling inside without having to say a word. He has reassured me multiple times that I am loved and treasured and cared for and he would do anything for me. Last Thursday when I came home from work we had a Air Hockey date in the kitchen and drank to our hearts content while laughing and just talking about our week and upcoming wedding plans! (IF YOU ARE WONDERING ABOUT THE AIR HOCKEY THING, I BOUGHT A MINNIE AIR HOCKEY TABLE FOR HIM AT CHRISTMAS. WE CHALLENGED EACH OTHER AND OF COURSE I WON) Things are not perfect, but no relationship is. We still have our ups and downs and lately I have just been an emotional rec, which has started to look up! THANK GOD!
(BRANDON AND I ARE FINE, THESE WERE JUST MY PERSONAL FEELING ON THE MATTER, HE HAD KNOW IDEA. THESE NOTIONS WERE MAINLY IN MY HEAD)
I am not perfect! I have always struggled with my self-confidence and I have always let my brain run with ideas that for the most part aren’t true. I have learned that I need to speak up more often and not be afraid of the outcome because if this man (your man) completely and truly loves you, he will be patient and understanding. In the end, whether you get the answer you wanted or not, you have to do what is best for you. Talk to your partners, be vocal about your feelings, do not let them fester! Take care of yourself and take deep breaths. I probably will have these issues for most of my life if not all of it, all I can do is try to better myself and hopefully not let my brain run with ideas that sometimes do not even make since. I am feeling much better than I was a week ago and I am getting back on track with my Healthy Habits!
Shayna
